Woody Allen

Woody Allen

Heywood "Woody" Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg; December 1, 1935) is an American director, writer, actor, comedian, playwright, and musician whose career spans more than six decades. Allen won four Academy Awards: three for Best Original Screenplay and one for Best Director (Annie Hall). He also won nine British Academy of Film and Television Arts Awards.

Enjoy the best Woody Allen picture quotes.

Read more about Woody Allen on Wikipedia.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eternity is really long especially near the end

It's not that I'm afraid to die I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

I don't believe in the after life although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If you're not failing every now and again it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

If man were immortal do you realize what his meat bills would be?

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

When we played softball I'd steal second base feel guilty and go back.

I think people should mate for life like pigeons or Catholics

The lion and the calf will lay down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

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