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Wilson Mizner (May 19, 1876 – April 3, 1933) was an American playwright, raconteur, and entrepreneur. His best-known plays are The Deep Purple, produced in 1910, and The Greyhound, produced in 1912.
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Read more about Wilson Mizner on Wikipedia.
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
If you steal from one author it's plagiarism, if you steal from many it's research.
I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins 'Have you read - .'
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
You sparkle with larceny.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
God help those who do not help themselves.
I've had ample contact with lawyers and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
It is not in life but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
Failure has gone to his head.
Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.
The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.