Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsense jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
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Read more about Steven Wright on Wikipedia.
If you can't hear me it's because I'm in parentheses.
I intend to live forever. So far so good.
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.