Noel Coward

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again.

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.

There's always something fishy about the French.

I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.

Squash - that's not exercise it's flagellation.

The higher the building the lower the morals.

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.

My body has certainly wandered a good deal but I have an uneasy suspicion that my mind has not wandered enough.

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

If you must have motivation think of your paycheck on Friday.

We have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one have we?

Success took me to her bosom like a maternal boa constrictor.

Work is much more fun than fun.

Someday I suspect when Jesus has definitely got me for a sunbeam my works may be adequately assessed.

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age - which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.

That strange feeling we had in the war. Have you found anything in your lives since to equal it in strength? A sort of splendid carelessness it was holding us together.

I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.