Mark Twain

Mark Twain

Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer. Among his novels are The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), the latter often called "The Great American Novel".

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Read more about Mark Twain on Wikipedia.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly and I did. I said I didn't know.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same but the medical practice changes.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me, I always feel that they have not said enough.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Only kings, presidents, editors and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

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