Henny Youngman

Henny Youngman

Henry "Henny" Youngman (16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please".

Enjoy the best Henny Youngman picture quotes.

Read more about Henny Youngman on Wikipedia.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house that's what it means.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

If my mother knew I did this for a living she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I take my wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it and puts in into an unlocked car.

Take my wife... Please!

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

The horse I bet on was so slow the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

When God sneezed I didn't know what to say.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert then joined the army. The first time he saluted he killed himself.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

If you had your life to live over again do it overseas.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

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