George Carlin

George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, actor, author and social critic. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians.

Enjoy the best George Carlin picture quotes.

Read more about George Carlin on Wikipedia.

If churches want to play the game of politics let them pay admission like everyone else

I'm the creative type

The bigger they are the worse they smell.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Cop didn't see it I didn't do it!

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America you get a front row seat.

At a formal dinner party the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do stand the world upside down.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'm messed up out of my mind on Jeeesus Chriiist

You can't really find somebody that has been so prolific so 'on the scene ' so popular and cutting-edge as Carlin. He is the Rolling Stones of stand-up.

Anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

The more syllables a euphemism has the further divorced from reality it is

I don't know what to do during a moment of silence. What do they expect of me? They don't say pray. Fuck 'em I'll pray if I want to. Hey! Pray!. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I have evil thoughts.

What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring it would GO OFF!! EERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! HELLO! HELLO!!

Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format five eight 10-minute pieces rather than one-liners so since writing books the process hasn't changed much. A piece in my live routine can end up as part of one of my HBO specials and it can also end up in one of the books.

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

I believe you can joke about anything.

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