George Carlin

George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, actor, author and social critic. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians.

Enjoy the best George Carlin picture quotes.

Read more about George Carlin on Wikipedia.

Excuse me officer but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't see

When you stress individualism as this country does, materialism as this country does, personal weaponry as this country does, and racial hatred which is part of our heritage as white Europeans, and then you add the volatile ingredient of "nothing

I'm having fun because I don't take it (life) seriously - the only things I care about are my family friends work and my lady Sally. Philosophers for a long time have said 'why are we here?' - I'm here for the entertainment. If you're born in the world you're given a ticket to the freak show, if you're born in America you get a front row seat.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree something is wrong.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own so both of them together is certain death.

The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision, everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time "Well okay that's enough of that."

If we could just find out who's in charge we could kill him.

I do this real moron thing it's called thinking and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.

I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people

Without the laughs the audience wouldn't be there at all so in that sense yes I am a comedian.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose but that a part of hell will break loose - it'll be much harder to detect

Let a smile be your umbrella and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like

If a piece requires some specific inflection I'll record it. I take a lot of notes and later categorize them combining them alongside existing ideas and eventually put a piece together.

If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws (at most an occasional visit to the cemetery)

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