George Carlin

George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, actor, author and social critic. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians.

Enjoy the best George Carlin picture quotes.

Read more about George Carlin on Wikipedia.

There will be a rain dance, friday night weather permitting

If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.

In Rome the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Put this whole thing behind me.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept

Always do whatever's next

When someone is impatient and says "I haven't got all day " I always wonder How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Not only do I not know what's going on I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did

In labor news longshoremen walked off the piers today, rescue operations are continuing

They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music

I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity.

The status quo sucks.

What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuck you I'm getting in the plane it's alot nicer in there.

When I was a kid if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

I've never had a 10 but one night I had five twos

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

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