George Carlin

George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, actor, author and social critic. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians.

Enjoy the best George Carlin picture quotes.

Read more about George Carlin on Wikipedia.

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

One tequila two tequila three tequila floor.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

You live eighty years and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too big.

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend -- I didn't bother with him.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.

Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal, but selling sex is illegal.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

Put two things together which have never been put together before and some schmuck will buy it.

If you can't beat them arrange to have them beaten.

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