George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, actor, author and social critic. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Regarding the Boy Scouts I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
Religion is just mind control
I tell ya if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer I think linguistics would have been a natural area that I'd have loved -- to teach it probably ... Language has always fascinated me. There's a genetic inheritance there ... a good language gene which I inherited [from my mother and grandfather] and she fostered that in me as he fostered that in her.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
I'm also tired of hearing about innocent victims, this is an outmoded idea. There are no innocent victims. If you're born on this world you're guilt period f*ck you end of report next case. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.